i beg you...

i beg you,

to have patience with

everything

unresolved in your heart.

and to try.

to love the questions

themselves.

as if they were

locked

in a room

or

books written in

a very foreign

language.

don't search for the answers,

which could not be

given to you now.

because you would not

be able to

live 

them.

and the point?

to live.

everything.

live the questions now.

perhaps then,

someday

far in the future.

you will gradually,

without even

noticing it...

you will live your way

into the answers.

so today.

breath in.

and breath out.

look around.

what do you see?

poem compliments of Rainer Maria Rilke. 

i added and changed the style a bit.

$5,000 & a years worth of chocolate.

this is the photo.

that won

the years worth of

Endangered Species Chocolate

and

$5,000 to my favorite 

environmentally focused non-profit.

after much research

and deliberation.

Youth Farms and Market Program

will be the ones

receiving this prize money.

their main goal is to empower kids 

through the process of growing food 

in several urban gardens in

Minneapolis/St. Paul.

they have garden plots in the 

Lyndale, Powderhorn, and 

West Side Neighborhoods.

Youth Farm and Market Program is about

 connecting locally produced food to 

the neighborhood communities from 

which it was grown. 

they are about educating youth,

 living in urban neighborhoods, 

in gardening, nutrition and 

entrepreneurship skills. 

by seeing this young 

and growing generation

 and what 

ideas 

and 

dreams

they have to offer their communities, 

YFMP is empowering young voices to be

 advocates and leaders within their own communities.

and this is why i am excited to see the

money going to support them.

as for the chocolate?

 and the bewildering question

 that has always tormented me:

 “just what exactly does a year’s supply of 

anything look like?!”

well look no further...

coming in six different varieties...

it's hard for a girl to 

know where to begin!

maybe here.

but don't worry.

with an incredibly long shelf life

i have to some time.

until the next chocolate bar,

stay in peace.

peanut butter.

sometimes the circumstances of life
give us no choices.
or at least.
the choices are
...limited and 
just plain unfortunate.


exhibit a:
peanut butter.
typically 
upon a trip to the local
grocer.
it is hard to not be overwhelmed 
by the selection.


but this.
is not currently true 
about my grocery shopping experience.
and so i am left with
limited choices:
like Skippy Peanut Butter.
[just plain unfortunate].


it's been a few now 
since one
g.i.a.n.t
jug of Skippy has been consumed.


and upon completion.
i knew.
this could not happen again.


so i bought some peanuts.
from the local grandmother
selling her collection
on the corner.


after a trip to the local
superstore.
i left proudly cradling a
blender slash food processor,
that i was 
convinced would greatly 
enhance my life.

three ingredients. 

peanuts.
canola oil.
and some locally grown honey.


i'm still working out
the perfect combination of
the three.


but generally
it goes something
like this:


2 cups of peanuts.
2 tablespoons of oil.
1 long drizzle of honey.


grind well.
yet cautiously.
because some
blenders slash food processors
are better than others.


so.
go easy.on.her.

and soon you will realize.

that limited options

only happen

with a limited imagination

and determination.

and i can now

proudly say,

Skippy?

oh is that a children's game?

i am just
a beginner in my 
tales of peanut butter making.
so any suggestions for

tweaks and adjustments

would be greatly toiled over.

[and appreciated].

pass them on please!

until the next 

peanut butter adventure...

"just root.root.root for the home team"

i think i startled her.

because i nearly jumped at her

when she walked into

class today.

"what is that on your shirt!!?"

silence. perhaps a gasp.

speaking more slowly,

i try again.

"do you know? your shirt?

do you know what it says?"

she stares.

and giggles

nervously.

she has no idea.

i try one more time,

"my baseball team."

i make the 

universally understood swinging

baseball motion.

"daegu, samsung lions?

same-same...

minnesota twins."

"ok, teacher."

is her only response.

she graciously allowed me

a photograph

to document my

disbelief.

korea is truly amazing.

truly amazing

at copying.

i'm pretty sure you doesn't know it.

but it's rooting.

for my

home team.

some favorite things

dear mom.

somethings i really like to do

with you.

and only you...


like getting up early to
share a cup of tea.


like pulling up our pant-legs 
mid-march,
to show
neither of us
wearing socks.


like shopping,
wandering around
and enjoying the beauty
of lovely things.


like red shoes.
stealing...
oh i mean
...
borrowing.
borrowing each others 
coveted shoe finds.


like morning walks
through the woods
behind the house of my childhood.


like dreaming about the future
and what it could hold
for both of us.


like telling you all about
the things that
seem to be running around
in my brain.


like riding in your
car
with the top down
and singing along to our 
favorite musicals
for all to hear.


so today.
as mother's day approaches.
i just want to say,
thanks for being my mom.
thanks for choosing to wear
this title:
mother.


you bear it well.
you've pursued it beautifully.
i admire that it is but
one of the many titles
you bear
that make up who you are.


so thanks.
because i really enjoy
being your
daughter.


and being the one
who gets to remind you
of this choice you made,
every time
i call you...

"mom".


love & love.
your daughter,


me.