what time is it?

sometimes it's dreadfully
hard to know.
to be even slightly certain,
because uncertainty clings and circles
just like nats in summer. 

how do you know?
how do you know what time it is?

because when we like something.
we want it.
we want more of it.
we want to be near it.
to find it.
to search it out.
to just look at it.
sip it.
watch it.
absorb it.
be with it.
see it.
have it see you.

and sometimes
it's time.
to notice what's eating at you
and move your entire world 
only to find it.
this something.
because you know you must.
and it's the only answer.

don't ask me what this it
is.
only you can know.

for some, it might a friend.
a parent.
a lover.
a city.
a dream.

for a friend of mine
the it was

the ocean.

she heard the craving inside.
that voice that
wouldn't seem to leave her be.

and so she began listening.
(as the brave ones do).

she picked up.
kissed her family.
waved goodbye to lifelong friends.
and she moved toward that something.

to the ocean.

it was time.
and she knew it.

and so,
for eleven whole months
this one thing she liked so deeply...
she was near it.
she touched it.
watched it.
absorbed it.
saw it.

and that ocean saw her, too.

it was time.
and she knew it.

and then one day 
when she hardly expected it,
with her windows flung wide
to the rolling sounds of the 
wave & tide...

she shut her windows.

why?
because it was time.
and she knew it.

it was time to go back.
to move away from the ocean.
to be near friends and old family.

the choice was full.
full of 
the hard
the easy
the good
the peaceful
the unrestful
the questions
the asking
the wondering
the certainty.
and of course,
the uncertainty.

the choice was all of those things
(as any choice that truly
matters often seems to be).

i share this story,
i say all of this because
i wonder.
i am wondering...

do you know what time it is?
do you know what it
is?

do not ask me what your it
is dear friend.

but listen.
listen well
and then perhaps you will hear.
perhaps you will hear and 
perhaps you will know
what time it is. 


xxo

she asked the sun.

And so, she asked the sun,

"Sun, how is it that every day you

are able to shine so bright?"

But the sun did not respond.

And so she asked again,

"Sun, what makes you give off

such heat?"

But again, the sun did not respond.

Discouraged, the girl crosses her arms

across her chess,

turns on her heels,

and begins to march away

down the broken sidewalk.

It is then that the girl sees {and feels} it:

the warmth on her back and

the light on the road ahead.

And the girl thinks,

"My path, ever golden, follows the sun."

- a poem by my friend written to me

quite some time ago.

poetry. no i mean poetry.

i have two friends
who first introduced me
to poetry.


and not just the rhyming
imagery, prose and verse.
i mean the kind
that when the reader
reaches the end of the poem,
the reader will never
be the same.


poetry that is
earth altering
jaw clenching
wind knocking.


poetry that exposes.
poetry that disrupts.
disturbs.


poetry that introduces you to
a piece of your soul
you never knew was
in you.


so i thought i would share.
these words...today.


today
when the changing of seasons
is in the air.


today
when the busy people
busy around.


today
when dreamers dream.



today
when occupiers occupy.



today 
when the trees groan and bend
to the will of the wind.


today
when hopefuls beg themselves
not to give up.


but i must warn you.
only read if you are ready.
only read if you are ready...

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,

vacation with pay. Want more

of everything ready-made. Be afraid

to know your neighbors and to die.

And you will have a window in your head.

Not even your future will be a mystery

any more. Your mind will be punched in a card

and shut away in a little drawer.

When they want you to buy something

they will call you. When they want you

to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something

that won't compute. Love the Lord.

Love the world. Work for nothing.

Take all that you have and be poor.

Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace

the flag. Hope to live in that free

republic for which it stands.

Give your approval to all you cannot

understand. Praise ignorance, for what man

has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.

Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.

Say that your main crop is the forest

that you did not plant,

that you will not live to harvest.

Say that the leaves are harvested

when they have rotted into the mold.

Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus

that will build under the trees

every thousand years.

Listen to carrion - put your ear

close, and hear the faint chattering

of the songs that are to come.

Expect the end of the world. Laugh.

Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful

though you have considered all the facts.

So long as women do not go cheap

for power, please women more than men.

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy

a woman satisfied to bear a child?

Will this disturb the sleep

of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.

Lie down in the shade. Rest your head

in her lap. Swear allegiance

to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos

can predict the motions of your mind,

lose it. Leave it as a sign

to mark the false trail, the way

you didn't go. Be like the fox

who makes more tracks than necessary,

some in the wrong direction.

Practice resurrection.

this poem is by a brilliant man,
wendell berry.
entitled:
Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front.


do you have a poem that
you love?
and loves you?


please share.


- n.

two hands. and one heart.

in ... out.

in .... out.

it's the

in ... out.

that sometimes is the

hardest.

because i forget.

how it feels.

why it's important.

and there is only blankness.

darkness?

yes.

lightness?

i can't be sure.

whiteness.

i think.

nothingness?

nothingness?

nothingness.

it's confusing.

how can there be the

unknown amidst the known?

confusion amidst the clear?

staleness amidst the beauty?

beauty amidst the pain?

emotions amidst the nothingness?

i only have two hands.

and one heart.

how can it possibly all be held?

the opening

seems so small.

and there doesn't appear 

to be enough 

space.

in ... out.

in .... out.

it's the

in ... out.

1.2..3...

remember.

you can do it.

but.

i only have two hands.

and one heart.

how can i ask them

to hold so much?

sometimes it's just a matter

of finding the light.

and remembering how to let

it encircle...

regardless of the 

blackness

the darkness

the whiteness

the nothingness

that resides

within.

in ... out.

in .... out.

in ..... out.

breath.

just.

my friend's view through her lens.

wherever you find yourself today

find your breath.

look at your two hands.

and one heart.

and let the light

encircle you.

because today.

these things are enough.

hoping for...

- n.

  

i beg you...

i beg you,

to have patience with

everything

unresolved in your heart.

and to try.

to love the questions

themselves.

as if they were

locked

in a room

or

books written in

a very foreign

language.

don't search for the answers,

which could not be

given to you now.

because you would not

be able to

live 

them.

and the point?

to live.

everything.

live the questions now.

perhaps then,

someday

far in the future.

you will gradually,

without even

noticing it...

you will live your way

into the answers.

so today.

breath in.

and breath out.

look around.

what do you see?

poem compliments of Rainer Maria Rilke. 

i added and changed the style a bit.

i can't. because it doesn't.

i can't move.

i am glued.

i am paralyzed from movement.

even my sub-concious is preoccupied.

the necessity of blinking

forgotten.

is it fear?

is it status?

is it genuine concern?

is it a way of life?

Egypt.

Libya.

Japan.

power to the people!

people being slaughtered by their leader.

water rears its inescapable power.

it's an addiction.

i must watch.

must read the minute blog updates.

because i must know.
check a myriad of news sources

in order to find the best

information.

most current updates.

opinions.

and images.

the earth is crying.

it's people are screaming to be heard.

am i listening?

i turn on my computer.

i see blogs.

status updates.

youtube trailers, commercials.

box office top sellers.

and i can't wrap my mind around it.

so i post pictures from

last weeks bike ride.

my mind.
it can't hold it all.

Libya.

UN gives thumbs up for war.

bombs. dropping.

Japan.

nuclear reactors failing.

13,000 missing.

mothers. fathers. sisters. grandpas.

missing.

i see blogs posting

 pretty pictures.

arts & crafts.

cooking recipes.

travel plans.

funny stories.

kid stories.

new musicians.

new art openings.

personal narratives.

and.

and.

on.

and on.

i can't wrap my mind around it.

the thin hours of the morning

are getting used to my company.

because i don't sleep when

i should.

i check just one more site.

to try to understand

the devastation.

i can't understand.


mindlessly click through pictures
on Mark Zuckerberg's genius invention.
i see
trips of spring break.
bikinis.
new additions to families in barking dog form.
engagement poses.
tales of last nights drinking binge.


my mind is spinning trying to hold it all.

i don't know who to believe.

"We must go to war. Libyans are being masacurred."

"We don't want another Iraq."
"Some Peace-Prize President you have."
"Would we just wait for another Rwanda?"


i can't wrap my mind around it.


bombs dropping
screams 
protests
sign holding
accompany my dreams.


then i'm talking,
"hi how are you?"
"repeat after me, 'nice to meet you'. good kids!"
"oh your a vegetarian? that's awesome."
"i want a new shirt."
"damn korea. why can't i get a good beer around here!"


. . . . . .


what is this?
what is this world that i live in?
it cannot all be connected.
it can't be.
it just
can't.