very much alive.

a friend phoned
the other day

and i happened to answer.

{isn't that a pleasant surprise?}.

well it was.

within our opening breaths of 

greeting and salutations

she teased,

"i've been wondering about you,

are you alive?

where have you been??"

to which i promptly replied a, 

"why yes indeed i am.

i am very much alive. 
too sorry

for the distance! 
coffee Sunday??"

as the day trickled by,

the question

lingered 

with me.

as well as my immediate

answer.

yes i am 
so very much 
alive.

you see, i've been:

.... ignoring the uncooperative weather
and just camping anyway. 

.... exploring cities 

are that not my own.

{and liking it.

quite a bit.}

.... walking instead of driving,
because sometimes you can 
and it's wonderful.

.... making time to create.

.... and i've been looking up.

so no need to hold my calls.
i'll answer.
because
yes. 
i am very much alive.


xo.
- n.

those kinds of friends.

Shame on me.

No really. I've been meaning to write this post for months now, almost 7 months to be exact. You see, this time I really do deserve a proper "shame on you" finger wagging from myself for this kind of thing. Because when big firsts happen in your life, one should write about them especially if one is already inclined to write about things (which I like to tell myself that I am one of those kinds of people). 

This first that I speak of actually happened to a friend of mine. One of my oldest and truest friends of all time. She's the one I played dress-up with for hours + hours + hours on end as well as all forms and versions of "house". She's one of those kinds of friends. One of those for-lifers. (You know the type.)

You better believe we scootered, imagined and make-believed our way right out of childhood, into teenaged trials and tribulation (actually we did manage to have quite a bit of fun along the way) and straight into adulthood as real-life grown ups.

And that brings me to the reason I'm writing today. Because last fall when my sweet and dear old friend had her very first not-make-believe-at-all baby boy, I was among one of the firsts to welcome this little man, in all his fresh and squeezable newness, into this world. Want a little peek at him?

I remember walking away from the hospital that day and the transition was so real I could taste it. From little girls to big kids. From little-squirt freshman to how-did-I-get-here seniors. From first-real-job to I-do-and-he-does-too. To pregnant bellies to welcoming in new life. Those kinds of transitions. Unspeakable, really.

It's a privilege. Yes, that's what it is. A complete privilege to journey with another through the transitions and curves of life. Wouldn't you agree?

This is my friend. 
Her name is Kathryne (and these are the men in her life). 
She's one of those kinds of friends. 
One of those for-lifers.

You know the type.

xoxo.

wednesday specials

since beginning
this new year
wednesdays have become something very special.


i can't tell you
it's a "special wednesday."
because these wednesdays,
they keep coming.
after every 7 sleeps, actually.
that's why i should call it,
something like:


the wednesday specials.


i do many things
on my 
weekly wednesday specials.


things that might look like nothing
to many.
but it's something.
it is.


do you know how i know?


well, it's when that "special" happens.


the special of
...watching a 4 year-old discover how 
to count to $1 million.


the special of...learning new words
like "veteranarian" then deciding
right then and there
that you might want to be that.


the special of...
interruptions and calculations.


the special of...
thinking you know when
you don't. 


or maybe it's just the special of...
spinning the wheel.


and taking a LIFE tile.

see what i mean?

the wednesday specials.

- n.

nice roommates and new keys

i only did it once.
but sometimes once is all
you need.
to get labeled.


remember like almost 2 months
ago?
when this bit of the world was
still pretending to
be winter?


remember when snow lazily covered
the grass
and ice clung to the roads?


seems so distant now, doesn't it?
with the green buds and eager flowers
finally remerging into our lives.


(i love spring).


anyway...


during this short amount
of time,
during the bit of winter that we
kind-of-sort-of had...
i dropped my apartment
key
into a serious snowbank.


oops.


my key had escaped from my
keychain multiple times before,
because of my lousy key ring.


i'd been promising to get a new
one for quite some time.
actually the entire 5 months i'd had
this key.


oops.


but of all the times the key had 
escaped.
i always found it.


but not this time. 


secretly, i knew this key was a 
goner for sure.


but, that's not what i told my
roommate.


i convinced her, that i would
indeed find it.
and very soon.


i suggested my roommate hide her key,
(the only key we had left)
predictably under our doormat.


and she complied.
for far too many weeks.


until last week, when i came home 
to this.
under the doormat.

my roommate had finally had enough.

she'd copied

the key.

and found me a new keychain.

it's been a week now.

and my new key

is nice and safe.

plus, who knew i'd ever enjoy

the perk of wearing

my keys as a fashionable

bracelet??

- n.

here's to asking!

i like to help.

i love it. 

i want to offer.

i'd go that extra stretch for 

my friends

the kids

my girls

my people.

even that friendly

stranger in the store.

it's just

how it is.

we all enjoy helping.

and we'd want it no

other way.

right?

of course.

but 

when the time comes

that i might have to

ask 

for help...

i stop.

i pause.

i struggle.
i can't.

i couldn't ask her to do that!
that'd be silly!

my thoughts twirl and mix

together each working to

convince each other.

it's fine.
it'll be fine.

i'll just take care of it.
it's fine.
i'll be fine.

no really.

i will.

i convince myself.

over and over.

when it comes to ourselves.

it's harder

perhaps impossible

to do that one unimaginable thing:

ask.

this is when

the curse of living in a culture

that values 

self sufficiency and independence 

above most other things 

cripples 

instead of empowers.

the other day.

i offered to my friend,
to help.

she laughed. 

she paused. 

she thought. 

she bit her lower lip gently, kindly.

...wondering.

then she did something bold.

something i've come to

believe is counter cultural,

out of the norm, strong and 

incredibly brave.

she accepted my offer.

she asked.

and so today.
this one thing
that my friend could have done herself...
we got to do it together.

today i was gifted to be the

giver

but quite honestly, i was more inspired by

her ability and acceptance to receive.

just receive.

why is receiving 

sometimes so much harder 

than giving?

so here's to asking!

because actually, it made my day.

tips from a friend.

i got the chance
to spend the afternoon
with an young friend
today.
a special treat.


i learned a few things by just
being
with him.
perhaps i thought you might like to
hear.


ready?


number one:
read-a-louds really do
make car trips
go by faster.


number two: 
when excited, jump up and down because
actions really do speak
louder than words.


number three:
hold hands.
it's more fun.


number four:
if the opportunity presents itself
paint your face to match your
shirt.


number five:
your never too old
{or too young}
to throw your head back
and enjoy a good
knock-knock joke.

                                                                      

number six:

every place is just another

opportunity

to make new people 

fall in love with you.

life lessons

people.

- n.

necessary mornings.

some mornings there
is only one thing
that can 
possibly be done.


so when the
weather gauge
is lamenting the tale
of negative numbers.


when that long lost
white substance
is making it's 
fall to join us on earth.


one must take
the necessary steps
this sort of morning presents.


put on the kettle.
snuggle into your best scarf.
tuck the laptop under your arm.
and start the day

in bed. 

and don't forget
your cuppa 
tea.

just a moment with my radio.

It doesn't happen that often. Just sometimes. But when it does, there is something profound and sacred which makes me want to stop everything and just listen. Every other task becomes menial and the final destination seems to matter very little, if at all. A spell. Yes, that's what happens, a spell comes over me, just like in the fairytales. This of course, only confirms those great works of literature are obviously nonfiction.


You know this feeling? I'm sure you must, it's when a song. A song, not known to you makes its maden voyage into your hungry eardrums. The first encounter. When the musician and instruments and you are the only things in existence.


Yes, that moment.
Common on. We both know.
It's magic.

Today that moment happened with me, the Dawes, this song, and these words:

It’s a little bit of everything | It’s the mountains | It’s the fog | It’s the news at six o’clock | It’s the death of my first dog | It’s the angels up above me | It’s the song that they don’t sing | It’s a little bit of everything.

See?

A spell.

I told you, magic.

-  n. 

happy christmas: i am home.

i'll be home for Christmas,

you can count on me.

i'll be home for Christmas...

... if only in my dreams.

last year

i sang this song 

with a bit of 

a catch in my throat.

{a lump really}.

because i was no where

near home.

quite far far away actually.

and sometimes

that something in my throat

was just too much 

to swallow.

it would brim over,

seeping out

the sides of my eyes.

even when

i never asked it to.

because i missed...

the blustery snow.

the trimmed tree.

the cozy house.

the driveway shoveling.

the cooking making.

the caroling at the market.

the Eve service tradition.

the family gatherings.

the faces.

i missed home.

and yet, here i am now

an entire year later.

still in a place

quite different from my home

marking the day of Christmas. 

and it was this very afternoon

that i sat

amongst my sister, mom and dad,

when this song...

...that song.

carried itself through the 

speakers and filled our

Christmas-space.

i'll be home for Christmas,

you can count on me... 

i noticed.

there was no catch

this time.

because i realized.

that wherever i am.

south or north or east

it doesn't much

matter.

because in fact

it is not the place

that tells me.

no.

it's those 3 people.

mom & dad & sister.

they are the ones that tell me.

my body rests,

and my mind can take a sigh.

and i just know

that wherever i am

with these people.

yes indeed.

i am home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

wishing you well

wherever you find yourself

this Christmas,

- n.

a donut discovery

this week i was

introduced to a new friend.

it was instant attraction.

some might call it:

love at first look.

upon the first moments 

of being together

it felt like we had known

each other all along.

like we'd never

been apart.

this friend was meant for me.

and i was, obviously meant

for this friend.

this is the friend

i had never known

i had always been waiting for.

and that is why our meeting is

serendipitously perfect.

a true fairytale

if you've ever heard one.

we met.

E 25th Street & 30th Ave South.

at a neighborhood favorite

called the Donut Cooperative. 

it took me a minute to know.

to know that is was

indeed this friend.

this friend that was meant

to be.

but after she was

on the plate.

all doubts were far far away.

like probably as

far as St. Paul.

that's how far.

her name?

curry coconut donut.

depends on who you are,

but you might have to

trust me on this one.

she was perfect in 

every way.

the other person i was

there with

...she made other friends.

but none as special

as my new friend.

 the whole place was

full of vibrant color &

clean-straight lines.

there is one cozy corner

to saddle up to 

if your desire is to

stay the morning away.

the staff is quirky & kind

and just crazy about

their creations.

the owner Dawn was there

that morning.

baking away.

and she seemed genuinely

pleased to know

her donut brilliance

brought me 

and my new friend together.

and i will probably

never be the same again. 

so dear curry coconut donut.

until we meet again.

at the,

yours truly.

- n.