i can't. because it doesn't.

i can't move.

i am glued.

i am paralyzed from movement.

even my sub-concious is preoccupied.

the necessity of blinking

forgotten.

is it fear?

is it status?

is it genuine concern?

is it a way of life?

Egypt.

Libya.

Japan.

power to the people!

people being slaughtered by their leader.

water rears its inescapable power.

it's an addiction.

i must watch.

must read the minute blog updates.

because i must know.
check a myriad of news sources

in order to find the best

information.

most current updates.

opinions.

and images.

the earth is crying.

it's people are screaming to be heard.

am i listening?

i turn on my computer.

i see blogs.

status updates.

youtube trailers, commercials.

box office top sellers.

and i can't wrap my mind around it.

so i post pictures from

last weeks bike ride.

my mind.
it can't hold it all.

Libya.

UN gives thumbs up for war.

bombs. dropping.

Japan.

nuclear reactors failing.

13,000 missing.

mothers. fathers. sisters. grandpas.

missing.

i see blogs posting

 pretty pictures.

arts & crafts.

cooking recipes.

travel plans.

funny stories.

kid stories.

new musicians.

new art openings.

personal narratives.

and.

and.

on.

and on.

i can't wrap my mind around it.

the thin hours of the morning

are getting used to my company.

because i don't sleep when

i should.

i check just one more site.

to try to understand

the devastation.

i can't understand.


mindlessly click through pictures
on Mark Zuckerberg's genius invention.
i see
trips of spring break.
bikinis.
new additions to families in barking dog form.
engagement poses.
tales of last nights drinking binge.


my mind is spinning trying to hold it all.

i don't know who to believe.

"We must go to war. Libyans are being masacurred."

"We don't want another Iraq."
"Some Peace-Prize President you have."
"Would we just wait for another Rwanda?"


i can't wrap my mind around it.


bombs dropping
screams 
protests
sign holding
accompany my dreams.


then i'm talking,
"hi how are you?"
"repeat after me, 'nice to meet you'. good kids!"
"oh your a vegetarian? that's awesome."
"i want a new shirt."
"damn korea. why can't i get a good beer around here!"


. . . . . .


what is this?
what is this world that i live in?
it cannot all be connected.
it can't be.
it just
can't.

meanwhile the world goes on.

i was reminded.
this morning by talking to a friend
of an important, yet simple truth of life.

this friend is a gallant woman.
she faces the world with grace.
and eagerness.
desiring to learn and breath it all in.
her artistic and creative being 
is unassuming and inquisitive.

and my friend, she has had
her share of heartache and pain.
so deep and penetrating
she has wondered where the light is ---

the past few weeks, we have exchanged
the hilarity of emails about 
dreams and future,
men and crushes, 
wondering how an old soul
can live properly in all one's 
22-ness.

yet this winter. for me.
time has passed.
slowly.
with its share of loneliness and soul-ache
i did not know why i was here
and i have wondered where the light was ---


but today, i was reminded.
of this one simple truth.
that is easy to forget.


life.
it goes on.
it always does.

as the weepies,
the beetles,
and mary oliver
have penned so truthfully and dynamically,

our lives.
they spin on.

pain is real.
heartache torments us.
we wonder if the morning will ever come.


yet everyday the sun rises. 
and the moon greets the dusk.
spinning. spinning. spinning.
and we, whether we realize it or not...
we are always moving.


i am reminded how my life is one
note in the great melody that stirs the earth.


i am moving.
and i am many.

early spring.

late summer.

sometimes

the road

looks different.

early spring.

summer.

"meanwhile the world turns on."